I am posting this blog based on a post from a Facebook entry that I put online earlier tonight. After leaving Bible study tonight, and battling and I mean really battling with some choices and issues in my life, I decided to come home an pout. I decided to come home and be depressed. However, when I pulled up at the house, I thought "Now really Tracie, what good is that going to do." So instead of wallowing, I started listening to music. I didn't plan on writing, blogging but I am learning that what I plan and what God plans for me are two diferent things! So I get home tonight, kind of bummed but determined to not let it get me. Bummed because I can’t just sit and chat with everyone after bible study and feeling a little left out. And after talking to a certain someone the last few days, about some choices in our lives and about Jesus and how he works in our lives, it really brought everything back full circle: my whole situation, my kids, my family, and how things have ended up they way they have. And it really had me thinking about my own faith, understanding, and where I am in my walk with Christ.
I think most people know how hard it is to live everyday when things are really so screwed up. But while YOU are really in the middle of living it, it takes everything we have to not go completely insane. I lost my vehicle in January of this year and have been out of work since that time as well. It is really hard to be locked in your house everyday with no transportation with twin 3 year olds. I get out a few times a week thanks to a friend who lets me borrow her car for interviews or grocery shopping, but it is not the same as having your own car! We take so much for granted…and don’t even know it until you are in a situation where your eyes and heart are open to what you have overlooked as a true blessing! Also, I am not a patient person, never have been, in anything! And I am learning what it means to be patient over the last 5 months since my storm began raging...really because I had no other choice. I am honestly amazed and surprised at myself, and how I have handled this whole thing since November, when things really started to take the downward sprial. But I now know, it is not me handling this, but the Christ in me handling this.
So anyway, I am home tonight after bible study on the computer and listening to some songs, that I really like and that have always hit a “bell” in my head when I heard them. You can ask anyone that knows me, I mean knows me since I was a kid, how music has always spoken to me and always been a big part of my life. It was my escape, it was my enjoyment, it was my way to understand and deal with things in my life that were hurting me or causing confusion. I still have people call me or email me and say “Tracie, what is that song?” Ha!
But back to my story, I was listening to a song called Believe by The Bravery. I heard this for the first time right before I was saved. It has been out for a few years now, but it was one of those songs I heard that stopped me in my tracks and I instantly had to know who it was and get the song.
Well as I am listening to it tonight, I kept hearing Mason’s scripture in my head.. Mason is a 8 year old boy whose family I was pretty close to at one time and who were my neighbors for several years. And tonight at bible study, he asked our pastor about a scripture that he had some questions on. So as I am listening to the song, the scripture is in my head so I read it again and then listen again ..and did this a few times. They were both just speaking to me and I felt so blessed that I was following my heart and not my flesh; that I was not compromising myself or wallowing in defeat.
Here is a link to the song as a video on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP8TAvQetyo
Below I have copied my post from Facebook that I really feel moved to share with everyone I know, and even those I don't:
I was really and I mean really listening to this song.. the words describe, what I truly believe I see everyday not only in myself, family, friends, but in every stranger I pass in the street. "The faces all around me, they just crack"...Everyone is fighting their own demons, struggling to just survive, and they are ALL looking for something to "keep on breathing for". Many will say, they find their "breath" in their family, their kids, their spouses/partners, or even their own strength. But if that is the case, then why are soooo many, who seem sooooo happy and "ok" on the outside so screwed up on the inside? We are all looking for something more in this life than just "to breathe". So many of us are just "breathing", but guess what? That is not going to cut it guys! If you really watch this video, and listen to the lyrics, I mean listen with your HEART, your SPIRIT, and your SOUL...you will find that it hits a point in you just as it has hit me... even if you don't admit it to yourself. I want to explain, that I know I was looking for something more my whole life, and put so much into so many WASTFUL, HURTFUL things, all though I did not realize it then. BUT I REALIZE IT NOW! I had a scripture read to me tonight by a 8 year old little boy and it just hit me now several hours later...1 Corn10:23 "All things are lawful, for me, but no all things are helpful, and may be lawful but not all things edify." He had some questions on this and he asked! He is 8! There are grown adults who just don't, yet struggle to believe! Believe in what? What do you believe in? What beast are you hiding from? Is the beast your fear? Fear of trusting? Fear of unknown? Fear of losing what ONLY this world holds precious? If you need something more to believe, please JUST ASK! Ask me if you don't know who to ask! Don't let your roots get so grounded in the wrong thing! Don't let those roots just be tossed on the floor! Root yourself in the only thing that can offer you a peace that you HAVE NEVER KNOWN BEFORE. JESUS! If he is in your heart, NO ONE can take that from you! When you can stand strong at constant threats and demeaning accusations, lose all you have and be deemed unworthy by society's standards, and not know where or when you are going to finally get out of the storm that is RAGING around you (your family, your children, you very heart)..AND STILL can smile, sing, praise, thank, and give glory to Jesus...then my friends... your roots are growing in the right place! I speak this of only love, love for everyone one of you who reads this, and listens to this song! Also, Some of the typed out lyrics on this clip are wrong, but I think most will still understand it, but I am going to post the correct lyrics. And for anyone who thinks you only use Christian songs to speak to you! It's not really the song, it is what God and His spririt puts on your heart! This was not a planned testimony! This was only of God... leading me through some things tonight that of course I did not see until several hours after they played out. And instead of wallowing, I am praising!"
The NIV version of 1 Corinthians 10:23: "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible—but not everything is constructive." How many things do we do that are not beneficial, and we know it, yet we do it anyway. We make the choice we do based on what we believe. Well, what do you believe? And, how is that affecting your choices?
Is it really that easy? To just ask a question and then all of sudden have divine wisdom poured onto you? No, it is not. But what I am trying to get across is that, when you start to ask the questions, and ask yourself what is it that you really believe in.. you may be surprised at the answers you will find. And you may be surprised at the lengths you will go to make the changes necessary in your life that will bring a beneficial impact to you and those you love. After all, "Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being." 1 Corinthians 10:24
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